ABSENCE MAKES HEART GROW FONDER
Studies have shown that couples who participate in healthy long-distance relationships have more meaningful interactions than couples who see each other daily. Distance does strengthen the relationship as well as personal growth. Partners opinions and time is valued more, it is actually a good test of a relationship. If a relationship survives long distance, comes out as more healthy and strong then it can survive anything.
Its easy to hear that these relationships don’t work or last. It is only after you try, you will get to know your partner’s and relationship’s worth. Recent long distance relationship research suggests that long distance couples talk less frequently than others, but their interactions are deeper and more meaningful. It is always good to have quality over quantity.
Number of long distance relationships is increasing as world is becoming more viable for opportunities. It is normal if you get a job / internship / study / business opportunity in another city or even country. One would not want to miss out on their love and profession. The way one can have both is from the route of long distance relationship.
It is full of travel and adventure. Every time your significant other comes into town, its a good opportunity to do all the touristy things that locals skip over. Same applies when you visit them. A lot of local travel and international is what long distance relationships are made of.
You don’t have to be presentable all the time. Both partners get plenty of ME time, which is good for individual growth and quality of the relationship. If we ourselves are happy and fulfilled, we can always add value to the relationship. The relationship will always be more than physical. All aspects other than physical relations will be explored which may not be done otherwise.
Long distance relationships tests your partners level of commitment and loyality in a relationship. You also get to see how much effort your partner is putting in clearly. In case you want to get out of the relationship, it is going to be much easier.
There are also negative sides to it, like everything in this world has. But that should not stop one from exploring . Things that can go wrong in a long distance relationship can go wrong in normal relationship as well. Its not the distance, its 2 people who really want to be with each other and have find a way to work things out.
Healthy relationships is what we all strive for. But always remember it takes 2 not 1 healthy individuals to create a healthy and fulfilling relationship. If you and your partner don’t subscribe to what other people think you should be doing, then you’re probably doing something right! Unfortunately many of us are exposed to so many unhealthy relationships in our lives that sometimes we don’t even know what healthy relationship even looks and feels like. These days, it’s very easy to get carried away in the “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” of relationships. Remember those are all just someone else’s rules. Happy couples make their own rules and don’t let other people’s ideas of a relationship define their own. There are signs that are hallmarks of a good healthy relationship, have a look at some of them listed out below.
You Speak Your Mind
If you are not afraid of expressing your thoughts and feelings then you’re in a good relationship space. Relationships thrive when couples can express themselves freely and honestly. This means no topic is ever off-limits, and both partners feel heard. Great communication is vital to building a lasting life together.
You Fight Healthy
Disagreements are very much a part of our lives. So if you aren’t fighting, chances are you’re holding back. But when people in healthy relationships fight, they fight productively and fairly. Avoiding name-calling or put-downs ans striving to understand your partner instead of trying to score points. And when you’re wrong? You apologize truly and won’t repeat your mistakes in the future.
You Like Your Partner
It makes sense to be with who you really like and not necessarily who you are with ( they better be same person ). Never base your partnership on the hope that it will change over time or with things. You accept that neither of you is perfect, and you value each other for who you are right now — not who you might become.
You Make Joint Decisions
You or they don’t call all the shots. From what car to buy, movie to see, how many children to have, you make all decisions together and listen to each other’s concerns and desires. Sure, this may mean you compromise on Saturday night. But on Sunday night, it’s their turn.
You Find Balance
Sometimes your partner needs to work longer hours while you play chauffeur and chief cook. Or you must devote time to an elderly parent while your spouse tackles the chores. That’s life. What matters is that, in the long run, your trade-offs seem fair.
You Treat Each Other With Kindness
Nothing is more important than treating the person you love with care, consideration, empathy, and appreciation. If you find yourself showing more respect to people you hardly know than you show to your partner, take a step back and revisit your priorities.
You Let Things Go
Your partner will annoy you and you will too. You will say things that you don’t mean. You will behave inconsiderately so many times. The important thing is how both partners deal with all this. So he did something annoying? Tell him you’re disappointed, of course—then let it go.
You Are Intimate
Bonding, friendship, and familiarity. If you’re in a healthy relationship, you’ll feel connected—in and out of bed. Period.
Your Relationship Is Your Safe Place
Your relationship should ideally be a safety place to come home to. That doesn’t mean you don’t fight—it just means that when things are hard, you’d rather see your partner than anything else.
You Talk To Your Partner, Not To Other People
Have issues and concerns? first person you share them with is your partner, not your Facebook friends. You can use pals as a sounding board but not as a crutch to avoid hard conversations with your partner.
You both are responsible for your own feelings, actions and words. You avoid putting blame on each other and own up to your actions and feelings.
You Show Each Other Your Flaws
To be vulnerable enough to open up about your flaws is the hallmark of a wonderful relationship. Revealing your flaws means you feel comfortable enough to be you and share that with your partner. Both of you know that you love and accept each other exactly as you are.
The parallel between marriage and ballroom dancing has been drawn many times. So, I probably can’t add much. Except for the fact that I may declare here and now that whatever “they” have said is probably true—how you are on the dance floor is how you are in life.
Husband and I took about six months of ballroom dancing – learning the foxtrot, the waltz, swing, nightclub 2 step. (Tango was out given how much we struggled with the simple foxtrot.)
During that six months, Husband was vindicated in more ways than he could count. But, then again, so was I.
For one, I am terrible at following (which basically tracks with the rest of the time). He knew he married an independent woman. But, independence is not rewarded on the dance floor. Following is rewarded.
In most ballroom dancing, men are in charge. Women are to be led. And, as our teacher said, if he stops, you stop. You don’t do anything until he tells you to, all with his hand and sometimes the placement of his hips – which, by the way, I’m not supposed to watch. I’m just supposed to somehow “feel it.”
My real job was to follow his hand, keep the frame (the space between us), and maintain “tone” in my outstretched arm. (So much for all that Pilates. Five minutes of that and my arm was screaming at me.)
Most of the time, it turned out Husband wasn’t interested in leading me anywhere (which also basically tracks with the rest of the time). He’d rather I just follow without him having to do anything. Or, just do whatever I want to do. But, this does not work on the dance floor. He must command.
(Additional trouble included the fact it took us four lessons before I realized the hand I was supposed to be following was the one on my back – not the one at the end of my screaming outstretched arm. And, while following his supposedly ever-present hand on my shoulder blade was hard enough, Husband’s hand kept falling down to my waist, which meant now my torso was attempting to chase said hand around the dance floor. Welookedliketwoostrichesattemptingtomate.)
This lead-follow technique is an interesting concept around daily life. If you are a late bloomer bride – married for the first time over age 40 – you have led your own life for a long time. You would have never gotten in the dance otherwise. But, now married, learning when to lead and when to follow can be confusing. For instance, when you want something in your life – and it’s something you wished for, for a very, very long time, who is supposed to take the lead on the wish fulfillment?
I was recently told by someone that I “oversold” the fact I wanted a dog. And, this meant I wouldn’t get it. In an attempt to answer Husband’s question – “what do you want for Christmas?” — apparently the fact I was honest – and honest often – meant I was being too something. Maybe I was trying to lead when I should have been following?
Yet, all the advice I’ve received about discussing your desires include
1. You are to be honest at all times,
3. Don’t expect your spouse to be a mind reader, and
4. Men don’t do subtle. You must be direct.
In other words, lead them. But, maybe there is a “just lead them enough” clause that I missed in the marriage contract? Or, are there some dances you’ll never get to dance with your spouse no matter what? So, it doesn’t matter who leads or follows? Just sign me “wanting to learn, but so confused.”
Alex Wise is a dating consultant and blog contributor for Loveawake dating site. He has been covering online dating, relationships, online and marriage niche since 2008. He loves sharing meaningful content that educates and inspires people to bring their dreams into reality relationships, online and marriage niche since 2008. He loves sharing meaningful content that educates and inspires people to bring their dreams into reality.