Archives for September 2017
All couples face problems in their relationships at some point of time, some acknowledge their problems and work towards solving them in healthy ways. Whereas some go down the spiral making things worse for each other and sometimes even leading to end of a relationship. Every relationship is different as snowflake but gets caught in patterns most common to all of us. Relationships get sour or fail for different reasons, the key is to identify what’s really going on in your relationship and willingness to work things in favor of your relationship. If both the partners are willing to solve relationship problems, they will reach the solution sooner or later.
Allow your partner to build new credibility with you, instead of piling up old mistakes. Unless it is a damaging habit, letting go of goofups is the best course of action. If your partner knows they’ll get a chance to rebuild their credibility with you, its highly likely going to motivate your partner to work things best for you. The same should be applicable to you. You should be given fair chance to start afresh if things didn’t went in best direction from your side. However, these chances should not be given to a negative and abusive personalities as they will do same mistakes all their lives. Also building habit of looking at your relationship from an outsider’s neutral perspective will help with a lot of issues in any relationship.
Here are most common relationship problems that find their ways into relationships :
Lack of Self-Awareness
We often get so caught in our lives that seldom we sit down and think deeply about ourselves, get to know our authentic thoughts and feelings, who we are, where we are going, what we are becoming, what we actually want. Its only when we know ourselves most part we can form and maintain a good relationship with others. Being true to ourselves, connecting with ourselves regularly away from external influences ( what others are doing, or what someone wants us to do, what we are being told, judged ) will lead to true happiness which then we can impart onto and share with others.
Jealousy is a normal human emotion, which when not handled correctly can be one of the most frequent causes of the breakup of romantic relationships. Jealousy can trigger abuse and violence, delusional jealousy can cause serious relationship problems. Talk about it to your partner if their certain behavior makes you insecure or jealous. And if its you who’s taking out of proportion, then you’ll need to do the hard work of learning to manage your jealousy in healthy ways whenever it makes it presence felt.
Ineffective Communication – Assumptions that you’re partner should always know your needs
Always being open about your thoughts and feelings can help a lot of situations that arise when we expect other partner to understand on their own but they don’t, its not because they don’t care it’s because they don’t know. Sharing and communication works when the other partner is not judgmental or hurtful towards your vulnerable self. Knowing your situation, taking responsibility of your emotions and communicating it clearly without blaming or offending your partner is the way to go. So our moto should be “Never Assume, Be Clear”.
No Individual Growth
When you’re in a relationship, spending time with each other is one thing, and letting relationship being your entire world is different. It’s wise to always maintain your life beyond relationships, be it productive or other relationships, hobbies etc. That way you’ll enjoy relationships and never loose your individuality. Keep yourself engaged doing something that takes your interest. Growing in any direction of your interest will also bring out your personality and build confidence, which you’re partner will admire.
Same issues occurring again and again
If same problems are occurring again and again then somethings wrong in your relationship and needs to be changed. The significance of a relationship is for the people in it to feel good together and experience life with a special someone. Be patient and be kind, and try to instill the same values in your partner and at the same time learn positive things from them as well. One should also learn to ignore trivial matters and for other matters need to be looked down more deeply to discard them completely from life or at least how to manage them without blowing out.
Not being able to relating to your partner’s issues
Whenever we get stuck in a rut or are not able to relate with partners problems. One solution to that is deep talk and try to understand their perspective. Deep understanding and offering solution will bring some relief to your partner and make your bond strong. Instead of nit picking, sit down with them, talk without judging and be ready to help. Just see what follows.
You or they feel misunderstood
This is the most common relationship problem couples go through. Rushing through things, assuming and judgmental behavior can keep us from knowing our partners real dimensions.
You don’t tolerate their vices
There needs to be certain level of tolerance and knowing the facts that there are things that our partners do which may not be of our liking. Accepting them and still seeing them our loved one.
You feel you’re giving away too much and getting back too little
We all are at this place one time or the other. Remember life is not always fair. Even if we have given more than we received, should not be the concern. But burning out ourselves for others and being taken for granted should be.
If one partner is trying to control or manipulate the other, the relationship will soon turn suffocating and a negative playground. This is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Controlling behavior is also a sign of weakness, where weak person feels secure by controlling the other person. If there are controlling behaviors in your relationship then you would need to set strong boundaries and talk straight with your partner. If they don’t listen, are not ready to address the issue, continue with such behavior then there is very less left for you to do. Such controlling behaviors are like addiction, once the person gets used to controlling their partner it becomes extremely difficult to loosen their hold off these type of tendencies.
Last but certainly not the least trust is something that builds and unfolds with time. Do you trust your partner with other attractive people or do they trust you with other attractive people. Do you both have ability and willingness to maintain each others trust through out life. And do you trust and respect each others decisions in life. Are you letting broken trust in the past coming in your way of your relationship. Never ever do that, always allow new person/relation to build their own credibility. If they broke your trust then decision is solely yours whether to allow them again with a new credibility or just stop it there once and for all.
Writing and sharing is a great way to figure out what’s going on in your life, and start working towards a better and healthier relationships with your partner.
A new relationship is all sorts of exciting and at the same time tricky. If we are careful and see through things from very beginning ( instead of having our head in clouds, respond to all signs that are there ) and be careful while enjoying the new development in our life. We can save ourself from future heartache, potential bad experiences and recognize if there can be a beautiful relationship in making.
It’s also important to make sure your time is properly divided between all things. Relationship gurus believe in what is known as the 50/30/20 rule, i.e., 50% of your time can be spent with your new catch, 30 % should be spent hanging out with your friends/family, and you need to have at least 20 % of your time devoted solely to yourself.
When things are new always tread carefully NEVER EVER move too fast or let the other person rush through initial stages of a relationship. There are numerous ways to be careful with a new relationship ( after all we are going to handle our heart to someone out there), here we have pointed certain ways to make things easier and less overwhelming for you.
Flattery is first and foremost tool used by wrong people to sway you off your feet to distract you from reality. Never ever give into praises, exaggerations ( always check out if what they are showing off is actually true or if someones telling you false things about you that are not true ). World is full of liars on a look out for their next adventure.
Admit Their mistakes – Take Responsibility For Their Actions
One of the most important traits of trustworthy people is that they always act responsible for their actions. They will admit if they’ve done something wrong in complete. No excuses here. And point out in healthy manner if you did something wrong too, any behavior deviating from rational should be taken with doubt for underlying problems. As to why a person is not taking up responsibility for what they did. They don’t know what they are doing, or don’t think through things responsibly before acting or anything else. It’s your duty to find out correct and complete truth.
You’ll be surprised by how revealing questions can be. When you ask questions be casual as if you won’t judge them, observe their behavior and gestures. Even if the person is lying, keep talking and questioning at some point they will get confused or uncomfortable with the lies. And check the facts they have stated in your questions are true or not. If you spot a liar just stay away from such person and never ever give into excuses of such people.
Listen How They Talk About Others And Their Behavior Towards Other People
Its rightly said “Listen carefully to how a person speaks about other people to you. This is how they will speak about you to other people.” A lot of their thinking and personality will open up when they will open their mouth about other people. Ask them about their friends, exes, family, workplace competition and see what lies ahead.
Don’t Assume Anything By Your Own Thinking and Don’t Let Anything Slip Past
A lot of times red flags are right in front of us all the time but we never pay attention, or don’t want to. It’s only when the damage is done we see them in hindsight. Whenever something happens that is not understood make sure you find out what that actually was and not go by what you thought it must be. We all want our relationships to be perfect and beautiful, that will all happen but only once we are with the right person and not just imagining in our heads. First we need to do hard work for knowing new person from all sorts, then dreams will follow.
Sneak Out / Absent out of the blue
There is no way a person has to stay out of touch for an entire day ( even if he’s Donald Trump ) or no. of days. If that happens, don’t believe right away what they’re saying. Find out the truth, there may be serious and bigger problems underlying then we can imagine.
How Everyday Commitments Are Handled
How a person prioritize their lives on daily basis, tells a lot about their core values, likes and dislikes. Important aspects of personality will be revealed by how everyday matters are handled. See if they are too much into their work that they neglect important people and situations or they don’t care about work at all. A healthy balance for all aspects of life is all we are looking for.
Other Relationships In His Life
What goes on for other people will go for you too and that too with more intensity. So look out, how this new person is conducting his old and newly formed relationships. Any problems there could be a red flag for you too. Just remember once you’re in with that person those problems will get to you too. So watch out carefully and respond accordingly.
How You’re Feeling In Their Company
This is the most important of all. See what your authentic feelings are for whats happening around and when you’re with this new person. If you’re heart is happy all the time and you’re not feeling uncomfortable being complete yourself, then that could be your potential mate.
If you notice that the person you’ve just started dating exhibits several of these signs, don’t waste your time trying to convert or change them. Just accept that they are not a fit for you. This will take discipline from your end, but it will save you from great emotional disappointments or even pain in future. Free yourself to meet someone for a healthier relationship that has a future. The choice is yours.
With the pace of life these days, we sometimes give our relationships a low priority and put them on the back burner. Relationships can be rewarding, but they can also be challenging and a struggle. Relationships with family, partners, friends and colleagues play a big part in our well being and happiness. Whether you’re enjoying good relationships, facing difficulties, looking to strengthen your relationships, or want help thinking things through.
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